As a pas­tor of a Reformed church that main­tains the his­toric prac­tice of par­ents wor­ship­ing with their chil­dren, I have some­times heard par­ents voice objec­tions to this tra­di­tion. For some, there are sim­ply too many hur­dles to over­come. As a par­ent of four covenant chil­dren myself, I sym­pa­thize with many of the con­cerns I hear from par­ents. Quite hon­estly, the prac­tice of the fam­ily pew can be exhaust­ing. But no mat­ter how much we may feel fraz­zled, frus­trated, and over­whelme­dat hav­ing our chil­dren with us in wor­ship, it never war­rants throw­ing in the towel. There are good answers to the objec­tions of the mod­ern (and some­times frus­trated) parent.

What fol­lows are responses to some of the more com­mon objec­tions I have heard:

“My chil­dren are so young; they don’t under­stand every­thing in the sermon.”

It is true that when chil­dren are very lit­tle they won’t be able to fol­low an expos­i­tory ser­mon from begin­ning to end. But that is alright. They should still be in wor­ship any­way. As they grow, they will begin to under­stand more and more. The first thing they should come to under­stand is the fact that they have been bap­tized into the church and belong to a Chris­t­ian fam­ily. They, like their par­ents, are not their own, but belong body and soul to Christ. Cor­po­rate wor­ship, there­fore, is part of the warp and woof of grow­ing up as part of the covenant com­mu­nity. It is a huge part of their idenity.

Sec­ondly, covenant chil­dren need to wit­ness the impor­tance of cor­po­rate wor­ship to their parents. Fathers and moth­ers: Do your chil­dren see your joy and enthu­si­asm about com­ing to the means of grace? Do their lit­tle eyes see the value you place on receiv­ing from the Lord in Word and Sacra­ment? Do they under­stand that this is a pri­or­ity for you and their fam­ily? Do you make an effort for them to under­stand that being called to wor­ship weekly is not only God’s require­ment of his peo­ple, but also our joy­ful priv­i­lege? Do you seek to make it a joy for them as well? It is impor­tant that we help our chil­dren under­stand (as incon­ceiv­able as it may seem to them!) that cor­po­rate wor­ship is the high­light of every Christian’s week.

As early as pos­si­ble get into the reg­u­lar prac­tice of ask­ing your chil­dren what they did under­stood about the ser­mon. With­out turn­ing it into an inter­ro­ga­tion or lec­ture, gen­tly ques­tion them and explain a few basic con­cepts from the ser­mon which they might grasp. The reg­u­lar rou­tine of this prac­tice is price­less. Like most things we do con­sis­tently as a fam­ily, our chil­dren will come to expect this prac­tice and, in all like­li­hood, begin to lis­ten more care­fully and sys­tem­at­i­cally to the ser­mon. More­over, you will have count­less oppor­tu­ni­ties to draw upon the text explained by the pas­tor and teach your children.

Above all, don’t give up. Pray for the graces of their spir­i­tual under­stand­ing and your perseverance.

“But I have a squirmer! It is dif­fi­cult for me to wor­ship and pay atten­tion dur­ing the service.”

You are hardly alone. Since the days of Seth, when “peo­ple began to call upon the name of the LORD” in wor­ship (Gen 4.26), covenant fam­i­lies have been blessed with squirmy lit­tle ankle-biters. This is noth­ing uncom­mon. Still, a fid­gety, rest­less child in wor­ship can test the patience of the holi­est of moms and dads. But be encour­aged. It is only for a sea­son that they are so small. Think long-term. Their spir­i­tual nur­ture and devel­op­ment (as well as yours!) takes place over a life­time. In most cases, the wig­gly years will pass. As Rob­bie Castle­man put it in her excel­lent lit­tle book, Par­ent­ing in the Pew, “It has been said that mod­ern peo­ple wor­ship their work, work at their play, and play at their wor­ship. We need to work at our wor­ship. With chil­dren, we often have to work harder.” This is espe­cially true with our lit­tle ones in the younger years. Pre­pare ahead of time the best you can. Be cre­ative. Remem­ber that you are part of a wor­ship­ing com­mu­nity. Per­se­vere in prayer!

“We are new to the Reformed faith; my kids are accus­tomed to going to a youth pro­gram dur­ing the ser­vice.”

Many of us were not priv­i­leged to grow up in a Reformed church. But, by God’s grace, we have come to dis­cover the riches of Reformed Chris­tian­ity and there­fore cher­ish the the­ol­ogy and wor­ship for the bib­li­cal gold it is. Nev­er­the­less, the adjust­ments aren’t always easy. If we got a late start and our chil­dren are accus­tomed to being shipped off and enter­tained dur­ing the wor­ship ser­vice, we should be pre­pared to meet resis­tance from them. A lit­tle extra teach­ing and expla­na­tion about the nature of wor­ship will prob­a­bly be in order. Explain to them that wor­ship is not about enter­tain­ment; rather, it is the appointed time and place when God meets with his peo­ple and speaks with them. It is called a ser­vice because he serves us with Word and sacraments. 

Your chil­dren may still hate it, com­plain that it is “bor­ing,” and dis­cour­age you con­tin­u­ously. Explain it to them again, remind them of the fifth com­mand­ment, pray for them, love them, and con­tinue to bring them anyway.

“Much of the ser­vice feels rote and rou­tine; I am con­cerned that my chil­dren will think wor­ship is life­less and mechanical.”

Keep in mind that wor­ship is about ver­ti­cal con­ver­sa­tion. The entire ser­vice is built around a dia­logue between God and his peo­ple. He speaks and we respond. If it feels rote and rou­tine, it may be because we are accus­tomed to enter­tain­ment in a wor­ship ser­vice. Or, it may be that we have grown up in a Reformed church but never received instruc­tion on what each ele­ment means. When we begin to under­stand these things - what the invo­ca­tion is, why we read the law and con­fess our sins, or what the bene­dic­tion is all about — we begin to see the beauty and depth of Reformed worship. Each ele­ment of the ser­vice is rooted in Scrip­ture as well as 2,000 years of his­toric Chris­t­ian prac­tice. Not only is it bib­li­cal, but Reformed wor­ship has a con­ti­nu­ity through­out the world and through­out time.

This means that each week, our lit­tle ones take their place with the com­mu­nion of saints as they pray the Lord’s Prayer, recite the Creed, and sing the Glo­ria Patri. Each week, our chil­dren par­tic­i­pate as wor­shipers in these impor­tant parts of wor­ship, rather than sit­ting as mere spec­ta­tors. Each week, par­ents have oppor­tu­nity at home to instruct their chil­dren on the mean­ing of the Lord’s Prayer, the Creed, and every other ele­ment of the service.  

I am fine with my teenager sit­ting in wor­ship with me as long as the church has a good youth group.

There is a ten­dency for some of us to think that in order for the wor­ship ser­vice to be effec­tive in the life of a teenager, it must be sup­ple­mented by a youth group. But have you ever stopped to reflect on such a notion? At its heart is the assump­tion that the wor­ship ser­vice and God’s ordained means of grace are inad­e­quate in the life of a teenager; some­thing more is needed, namely, some­thing more “rel­e­vant.” But have you ever con­sid­ered that the Bible never speaks of a ‘youth group’ or the office of ‘youth pas­tor’? That is not to say that such meet­ings are wrong or can­not be of benefit, only that they are not essen­tial. If they were, God would have pre­scribed them in the New Testament.

Sadly, many par­ents look for a church with a youth group as if it were a sacra­ment or one of the dis­tin­guish­ing marks of a true church. As pop­u­lar as ‘youth groups’ may be in our cul­ture, we must be care­ful not to accept blindly the notion that our young peo­ple need a pro­gram in order to be prop­erly nur­tured in the faith. Like any pro­gram, a ‘youth group’ is merely an extra to what is indis­pens­able and can­not replace the respon­si­bil­ity of the min­is­ter on the Lord’s Day and the par­ents through­out the week.

God has given us all that we need for the spir­i­tual growth and well being of us and our chil­dren. Let us dili­gently use the means he has pro­vided and teach our chil­dren the impor­tance of going to wor­ship and not just church.